Jokes about drummers

The best jokes about drummers, have fun 😉

What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A homeless person.

How to recognize a drummer who is knocking on the door?
He never knows when to come home.

Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because he will set the right tempo and not sleep with your girlfriend.

Have you heard of a highly educated drummer?
Me never.

What is the first thing a drummer says when arriving in Los Angeles?
“Would you like some fries with your burger sir?”

Why do drummers always lose their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a drummer?
A tattoo.

How do you ask a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play a 4/4 at 120.

What is the most common lie told to a drummer?
Wait for me a minute and I’ll help you put your equipment away.

How many beaters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, a machine can do it for them.
Or
five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to say that Dave Weckl would have done better!

What is the difference between a condom and a beater?
There isn’t one because for both, it’s safer with it but it’s still better without it.

How to make a drummer slow down?
By putting a score in front of him.
How to stop a drummer?
By putting notes on it.

How do we see that the drummer’s platform is horizontal?
Drool comes out of both sides of the mouth.

Who won the competition for the most beautiful drummer?
Person…

How do you recognize a drummer who knocks on the door?
The blows slow down towards the end.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A lucky guy…

What do you call someone who always walks with the musicians?
A drummer.

Why do drummers put drum sticks on their car windshield?
To be able to park in “disabled” parking spaces.

Why do orchestras need roads?
To translate what the drummer says.

What do you call a drummer without a band?
A sound engineer.

How do you get a drummer to start playing?
Start tuning your guitar.

A drummer was tired of not playing a real instrument. He goes to a music store and says:
“Hello, I would like this red trumpet and this accordion.”
The merchant replies: “Okay, you can take the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays here.”

Heard backstage at a show by the manager:
“Could the musicians and drummer come on stage, please?”

Why is there always a bass player in groups?
To translate to the drummer.

What do you call someone who always hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
It only takes one time to enter the information into a drum machine.

What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?
“Hey guys, how about we try one of my songs?”

How do you know when a drummer is knocking?
The blows accelerate.

What is the difference between a drum solo and premature ejaculation?
you feel it coming but you can’t stop it!

Do you know the story of this guitarist who, on the way to a concert, locked his car and forgot the keys inside?
Well, it took him two hours to get the drummer out.

Dennis Chambers, Dave Weckl and Steve Gadd are all sitting on a bench talking. After a while, the discussion gets lively:
Dennis Chambers: “I’m the best drummer in the world anyway.”
Dave Weckl: “Oh no, sorry but I’m the best drummer in the world.”
Dennis Chambers: “Oh, are you the best drummer in the world? And how do you know that?”
Dave Weckl: “I know…because God told me.”
Steve Gadd: “Um…, did I say that?”

How do you recognize a drummer?
He’s a guy who has musician friends.

What is the advantage of a drum machine over a drummer?
She also plays something mechanical and uninspired but doesn’t date your girlfriend.

A €100 bill is in the middle of a room whose four corners are occupied by Santa Claus, a ghost, a drummer with a good tempo and a drummer with a bad tempo. Who collects the money?
The drummer with a bad tempo since the other 3 don’t exist!

What’s the last thing a drummer says right before getting kicked out of a band?
“Hey, I wrote some lyrics last night!”

A guy walks into a store and asks the seller:
“Do you have a 500 Watt Marshall amp and a Gibson Stratocaster with telescopic neck?”
“You’re a drummer, aren’t you?”
“Um, how did you guess?”
“Because this is a travel agency, sir!”

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The others told him: okay, but we’ll have to remove 1/3 of your brain for that.
So, the guy goes to have an operation, but then the doctor tells him: “we made a terrible mistake, we didn’t remove a third of the brain but 3/4!!”.
And the guy goes, “okay, do you have any chopsticks?”

A customer enters a store specializing in the sale of brains. He notices 3 glass jars, each containing a beautiful, well-preserved brain. There is a label on each jar. The first indicates “Astrophysicist: €100”, the second, “Representative: €1,000”, the third: “Drummer: €10,000”.
The customer is somewhat surprised and calls the seller: “I don’t understand, who would want a drummer’s brain for €10,000 when you can have that of an astrophysicist for €100?”
“Because it was never used!” replies the seller.

3 men die in a terrible accident and find themselves in paradise, in front of St Pierre. He asks them the same question: “what is the level of your IQ?” The first responds “130”. “Good, good, go back to earth, you will be an engineer.” The second responds “125”. “Good, good, go back to earth, you will be a lawyer.” Then the third responds, “um, about 80, I think.” “Good, good,” said St. Pierre, “uh… What brand of chopsticks do you use?”

A young woman enters a store and asks the seller:
“I would like to buy some musician’s brains”
I have the brains of a trumpeter at €50 per kilo, the brains of a singer at €70 per kilo and even the brains of a conductor at €100 per kilo.”
“And the brains down there, what are they?” asks the young woman
“That’s a drummer’s brain, my little lady, it costs €1,000 per kilo”
“Wow,” she exclaims, “why are they so expensive?”
“My poor lady, you can’t imagine how many drummers it takes to make a kilo of brains!”